Dear Diary
by Niteloc
Summary: One shot dealing with events before Blakes trailer as well as events after her starting at Beacon. Strong emphasis on friendship Rated M for themes.


_September 18_

Dear Diary,

The nightmares still haven't stopped, I keep waking up screaming and reaching out for Adam, but he isn't there, he hasn't been sleeping next to me for a long time, not since the train. He wasn't the same person that I had fallen in love with, he hadn't been the same since that night, I can't say I blame him, I haven't been the same either. I can still remember it so well.

We had broken into a large estate, some businessman with more money than anyone should have. We had made it through, grabbed the all the jewels that we could carry and got ready to climb back into the car and escape. We were about to jump the fence when a cold hand grabbed my shoulder. I knew straight away that it was bad, the hand was between mine and Gambol Shroud.

I saw Adam being grabbed as well, we were being dragged into a room, they tied me to a chair and started to work on Adam, they were beating him half to death, he was unconscious in only a few seconds, part of me is glad he was, that way he didn't have to see what happened next.

Their hands were everywhere, I could do nothing to stop them, any effort to try was met by a savage beating, but my pain wasn't enough for these brutes, they needed pleasure, and were willing to take it by force. Beyond that all I can remember is fleeing in the middle of the night, wearing nothing but Adam's jacket. I can remember the pain on his face as I wrapped him in bandages, and the fear and anger he exhibited when seeing the bruises all over my body.

That nightmare has plagued me every night for just over a year, I used to wake up and hide my face in his chest, and he would always hold me and whisper that everything was going to be alright, that it was over now. It used to work, before he started to change. Since the train I have been alone, without him to comfort me.

I wake up at night and reach for him in the bed next to me, it is always empty, cold and empty. The pain always comes straight back, without him to talk to, to trust and to confide in. I fear that maybe this pain will never end.

The initiation night was one of the hardest nights of my life, I had to make sure I didn't fall asleep, if I screamed when everyone was in the room with me then I would have had to explain it to far too many people. It is something that at least for now, I do not want to speak of.

I know that if any of the girls, especially Yang finds out that something is wrong then they'll eventually get it out of me, I know it's because they care about me, and I love them for it, but it's still going to be difficult to talk about.

I'm worried, we have a three day survival exercise tomorrow, which means I am going to be spending the entire time with Yang, hopefully I can avoid sleeping, or maybe just sleep with a bit of distance between myself and her. It won't be easy, but I'll try.

I need to go and pack now, The girls have already gone to get dinner and they'll be back here soon. Hopefully nothing goes wrong

- Blake

* * *

_September 19_

Dear Diary,

It's the morning of the survival test, and I will have to be running out of the room in only a few minutes, but I felt compelled to put down some words before leaving. It's been getting worse lately, I can feel it, the pain almost seems real again when I'm dreaming it, and what makes it worse, I can't wake up until it's all over anymore, I have to relive it over and over again, It worries me that I may have been making noises in my sleep, be it screaming or crying, It worries me that this might mean that the girls could find out.

This test today is really starting to worry me, it looks like it's a very cold day, which means it's going to be an even colder night, I think it will mean that I will have to cuddle up with Yang, thank god it is only with our partners, not the entire team, at least if I do blurt something out, only Yang will hear. As talkative as she is, Yang wouldn't tell anyone if she found out.

I must go now, Yang is telling me to hurry up and leave, which is an interesting change from how it usually goes.

- Blake

* * *

_September 21_

Dear Diary,

I just got home from the survival test and I can't believe what happened. After we had eaten dinner I was laying in the shelter next to Yang, it was too cold not to cuddle together, so I thought I should just stay awake. I was laying there for what must have been hours next to her, our bodies tight together so as to keep warm.

I did anything and everything that I could to stay awake, and even put a bit of distance between us once she had fallen asleep, but I must have drifted off to sleep at one point, My dream came back, I could see it all vividly, I couldn't believe it, I had fallen asleep, exactly what I had been trying not to do.

I woke up and did exactly what I was worried that I would, I reached for Adam, and I found a person, I pulled myself close and hid my face in their chest, I can still remember exactly what I had said "They won't stop. Why don't they stop?" That was when I realized that this object I was holding couldn't be Adam, I could feel breasts against my face. That was the point when I realized that it was Yang, who was now awake and staring at me

"Blake? What's wrong?"  
"Oh, nothing, I'm sorry, I was dreaming"  
"I've heard you scream and cry at night, I sleep in the bed next to you, I've been worried about you" She hugged me back.  
"It's a long story Yang"  
"You're my friend, I care about you, please, tell me"

She seemed so caring, she's the first person who has in a long time. I'm glad, she's an amazing friend. I realized that I was still laying in her arms, and wriggled my way out, and sat up, she did the same, and looked at me with caring eyes. I considered at that moment telling her everything, as much as I did not want to, it seemed to be the perfect moment to let someone in, it had been so long since I had shared an intimate moment with anybody in my life, and this could shape our friendship.

"I'm sorry Yang" I said  
"You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to Blake" She said "But please, I do care about you, If you want to speak to me about anything, anything at all, I am here, and I always will be"  
"Thank you"

I couldn't believe that there was someone who really cared about me this much, especially since we had only been friends for a few months. I missed this kind of friendship. I think that I decided that night that I would tell her about what happened, it would take time for me to talk to her, but I knew I would.

It has been difficult having to hide this side of me, but now that Yang at least knows that something is wrong, I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, It is almost refreshing to know that she cares.

It's strange though, the next night, where instead of merely lying down next to each other, Yang wrapped her arms around me, and cuddled me while I fell asleep. It was the first night I have slept through all the way since Adam left.

Anyway, I have written what I was hoping to write, I must go to bed now, I miss the feel of soft sheets against my skin, hopefully I will be able to get some sleep before the dream returns, although I feel that it will be another difficult night

- Blake

* * *

_October 1_

Dear Diary,

Last night was strange, we went to bed and the dream continued as usual, however, as it got to the more violent part I felt myself being shaken awake, not by Yang, as I would expect, but by Ruby. All that she said was "You were screaming, I think you were having a nightmare" before I could feel myself begin to cry, It was becoming too much. It was starting to hurt more than ever, and it was hard to keep them on the outside.

Before I knew it I could feel the warmth of Ruby's shoulder against my forehead, and her arms wrapped around my back, I asked her to get Yang, I wouldn't want to talk about it twice, but I felt that the person who had proven herself to be my best friend over the past few months deserved to hear it just as much as Ruby.

I can still remember my exact words,

"Okay, the reason that I always scream, cry and wake up at night is because I have a form of post traumatic stress disorder. Just before I came to Beacon I was with my boyfriend, and we used to steal, it was all we could do for money, and if we didn't we wouldn't be able to eat. Both of us had lost our parents and didn't have much, except from our weapons and each other. Well one night, something went wrong, We broke into the house of a rich businessman, and filled our bags with jewelry and cash, everything was going great until we went to leave, as we were jumping the fence we got caught. He got bashed so badly he was unconscious, and I -"

That was where my voice seemed to stop working, I had never said those words before, I think that Yang had worked it out by this point, but Ruby, that innocent, adorable little girl, didn't have the knowledge to work it out for herself. We were silent for what felt like forever, then Yang broke it.

"They did it, didn't they?"  
"Yes" I responded, as I pulled my legs up to my chest.

I saw Ruby lean across and whisper something to Yang, and after the reply, and seeing the look on her face I knew for certain that Yang was right.

"It's going to be okay Blake" She said, with Yang reciprocating the sentiment

If only they knew the trust I had for them, to tell them that this had happened. And how much of a weight this lifted off my shoulders. It was at that moment that what was probably the most shocking happened. Even with my face hidden I could hear Yang stand up and walk over to me, she wrapped her arms around me and lifted up my head, planting a light kiss on my forehead. Then she said what was probably one of the most unforgettable things of my life.

"Blake, you're my best friend alright? I will be here for you through all of this, I care about you and love you, and I know that Ruby does as well, I promise that I will be here no matter when or why you need me, always."

After thanking her and watching Ruby walk back to bed, not after giving me a hug herself, I rolled over and faced Yang, asking her what is possibly one of the strangest things I have ever asked of a friend.

"Yang, would you mind if I got into bed with you tonight? The best night's sleep I've had in a long time was when I was with you on the survival exercise"

She seemed almost too happy to oblige.

- Blake

* * *

**AUTHORS NOTE**

Okay, maybe a bit unusual, this is probably one of my more experimental pieces, trying a different style of writing, and also one of the only pieces I'm not writing an explicit reference to any pairings into, I was originally going to expand this and see how that went, but I found that there was really nowhere I could go from here, I hope you all enjoy this short story, and for anyone who is hoping for a bit of a Blang or Bumblebee (or whatever it's called these days) Fix, I'm currently in the planning stages of a decent sized story on them. Hopefully you enjoy it!


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